Fanfic Orgy

For Sentinel Thursday, 2/22/12, #424 – majority

Blair closed the last blue book and wrote the grade on the front in red with a flourish. He'd had to burn the midnight oil to catch up on his exam grading, thanks to that episode of fanfic flu last month, but his hard work had paid off. Now he could relax and enjoy the evening with his roommate.

Speaking of which, where was Jim? He hadn't heard him come in, but he'd been pretty absorbed in his work.

“You look satisfied.” The detective's voice came from the kitchen.

“Well, I just finished my grading for the semester, so now I'm all yours,” said the Guide, stretching.

“Sounds good,” said the older man. “What's the plan, then?”

“How about getting some Thai food delivered?” his hirsute companion suggested. “There's a Jags game on tonight. But I need a shower first.”

“I could get on board with that,” replied the ex-Army Ranger. He cupped his hand around the back of the grad student's neck. “Want some company in that shower?”

The guide closed his eyes and smiled. “Mmmmm, that sounds great.”

“Just let me call in the order first. You know Thai Palace can take a while,” the cop said.

“Wait, why don't we try that new place – the one by the waterfront?” asked the younger man.

The sentinel paused for a minute. “You mean Super Thai?”
“Yeah, that's the one,” said the anthropologist, snapping his fingers.

“I don't know, Chief – I've passed that place before and it smells like they use a lot of chili.” The balding man frowned at the thought.

The shaman waved his hands reassuringly. “We can ask them to go easy on it. Plus, you always get the pad thai anyway, so what are you complaining about?”

“Good point.” The Sentinel looked thoughtful. “Okay, why don't we give it a try?”

Jim Ellison opened the door to the loft and stared at the sight before him. “Sandburg, who… who the hell are all these people?”

“I don't know, Jim!” Blair was huddled into a corner of the couch, arms wrapped around his knees. His voice held an edge of panic. “I was just sitting here, wondering when you were going to get home, when all these… guys just started appearing out of nowhere!”

“They're not just guys, they're… they're us, Sandburg,” Jim said, brows drawn in confusion. “Different versions of us.”

“Yeah, I, uh… noticed that. And some of them are getting pretty… friendly with each other.”

One “pair” was already making out by the entrance to the kitchen, Jim noticed, and several of the others were drifting towards the couch, holding hands and gazing at each other soulfully. “Sandburg, you'd better get out of there,” he said, reaching for Blair. “That couch is going to get a little crowded in a minute.”

As he pulled Blair to safety, he noticed that some of “Jims” were starting to make goo-goo eyes at each other as well as at some of the “Blairs”. The thought made his skin prickle.

“Thanks, man,” Blair said, wiping a hand across his brow. “That was close. Say, do you think this has anything to do with that fanfic flu we both caught a few weeks ago?”

“I don't know. We could call the doctor and ask.”

“Good idea.”

Surprisingly, Jim was able to reach the doctor right away, almost as if she'd been sitting in her office waiting for their call. He put her on speakerphone so Blair could hear, and explained their situation. “Well, Doc, what do you think?”

“It definitely sounds like you have two PEE, gentlemen.”

Blair frowned. “Um… actually, I just went.”

“I mean two cases of PEE: Pernicious Epithet Exacerbation. It's a common consequence of fanfic flu. But I've rarely heard of such a severe case.”

“So what do we do?” Jim was trying to focus on what the doctor was saying, but the low moans and suggestive noises from the couch were very distracting.

“Well, first of all, I would recommend that both of you leave the loft immediately.”

“Yeah, we're definitely not the majority in here,” Blair said.

“Go out and have a nice dinner somewhere,” the doctor advised, “take in a movie afterwards, get some ice cream, go for a walk on the waterfront. Stay out for several hours.”

Jim smiled. That sounded like a great idea. With all the wild monkey sex he and Blair had been having lately, they hadn't really had time to just hang out together. “But what about all these people?” he asked.

“I'll take care of it,” the doctor assured him. “Just leave the keys in the door for me. Oh, and when was the last time you changed your sheets?”

“Yesterday, why?”

“No reason. Now you and Blair had better get out of there! I'm sure that things are just getting worse.”

Jim couldn't deny that. The number of Jims and Blairs in the room seemed to have doubled since the last time he looked. What was worse, two of the Jims were undressing one of the Blairs, and his Blair was staring at them with a glazed look in his eyes, slowly licking his lips.

“Come on, Sandburg,” he said, grabbing Blair by his collar and dragging him out of the loft.

Once the door was closed, Blair seemed to regain his composure. “Jim,” he said, as they hurried down the stairs, “do you think we'll ever get over this flu?”

“I don't know, Chief,” Jim said, “I don't know.”

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